Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Movie Movies: How I Learnt To Hate Some Films and Stop Worrying About Nicholas Cage.

After watching this I didn't think it could get worse.

So I was going to start this month with four reviews covering Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie and Vampires Suck. Now everyone complains about these movies, but I thought I would give them their day in court so to speak. Well I started with Epic Movie; it confirmed what people have said about the movies, or at least this one. The moving onto Meet the Spartans an unusual reaction came over me. Pure, undiluted rage.

I don’t think I’m going over new ground by saying that this movie was really god awful, but with Meet the Spartans the humour was so insultingly bad that I stopped it about a quarter of the way through it. The thing is I don’t normally stop movies even if they are awful. Zombies of Mass Destruction was a movie that I loathed and I still managed to watch it from beginning to end. There was just a certain quality about these movies that got under my skin.

I look back at some of my favourite parody movies such as Not Another Teen Movie, Flying High (Airplane in other countries), Hot Shots and Black Dynamite, and wonder how hard it is to write even the most basic of funny scripts to mock Disaster Movies, Epic Movies etc. Flying High made fun of the silliness of old plane disaster movies; Black Dynamite successfully took shots at black exploitation movies. Epic Movie did nothing to mock epic movies; in fact it couldn’t even get the title right and mainly referenced blockbuster movies.

I was wrong. It got worse.
Now taking a step back from the movie, I think it’s only fair if we would take a look at who this movie is aimed for. It obviously not me, but I have heard that it’s focused on the young teenage boys demographic. I can understand that as a lot of the humour is focused on the lowest common denominator. Hell if I was 13 or 14 I might of thought these movies were great. The problem is while the humour is at that level, the content is a lot more adult and I would not be okay with young children watching these movies.

Finally the last thing I wanted to talk about. Meet the Spartans. I couldn’t finish this movie for one big reason. For the first quarter of the movie it’s crammed with gay jokes. Really, really clich├ęd gay jokes. Offensive, out right horrid gay jokes. I get there is humour to be mind for the possible homo erotic subtext of 300, but you have to actually be subtle to mine that vein in such a way as to not offend people, you also don’t use the same joke every minute. It’s not bloody funny, it wasn’t the first time and guess what it’s not funny the thirty sixth time. I try not to be offended, but the writers of this movie are just vile human pieces of filth, but then they wouldn’t care as these movies are making them money.

In all honestly Meet the Spartans derailed me for a few days. I didn’t really want to write about movies, or watch movies. I really haven’t had such a bad reaction to a movie before. Thankfully I’m back and writing this has helped me somewhat, so I thank all the readers for this indulgence. Needless to say I don’t think I have to remind people not to watch these movies. The experiment is over, time to shut it down and move on to the next films.

I felt a little like this after Meet the Spartans. Didn't think it would be
a recruitment tool for the Red Lanterns.

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