Thursday, December 29, 2011

Quick Movie Reviews: Vol 20


The horror, oh the horror. Here I was rushing through some movies to catch any 2011 movies I watched, and then I stumbled upon three movies that took the wind from my sails. I’m now done, I’ve got my top ten list ready for 2011 and I will post it up on Saturday before the end of the year. So I’m guessing some of you out there are wondering what three movies destroyed me. With a heavy heart I now venture to the dark wilderness of Hollywood, where a young man can be struck down by a savage film in a heart beat.

What’s Your Number (2011)

If I wanted to be cruel with this review I could use the term slut, as it kept coming to mind throughout this entire movie. Oh and I don’t mean Anna Faris’s character but instead I mean Chris Evans’s character of Colin Shea. He is a total slut and a reprehensible character that we are asked to looked beyond the pig and see the kind soul deep within. Not only that; but Ally’s (Faris) dilemma is such a non-issue you I just was wondering why I was supposed to be cheering for her. You’ve slept with 20 guys, it isn’t that bad, and especially when it’s hinted Colin is in the hundreds. I think what makes me angry about this movie is what a waste of Faris and Evans talent it is. I think both of these actors are great and Chris Evans has really shown diversity with such movies as Sunshine all the way up to Captain America. Are there funny moments? Sure. But it’s not worth wadding through a movie whose issue is not worth a feature movie, and has characters that you really don’t want to get behind.

Shark Night (2011)

Teenagers get eaten by Sharks in an evil plot that made me want to slap my forehead several times. Sharks are a pretty good monster to have in your movies. Just take a look at Jaws. But this movie just uses them in such a god awful over the top manner it made me want to throw my controller at the television. I can’t really get into the main thing that annoyed me as it would spoil the movie, and as much as I would like to spoil the movie for people I can’t. Let’s just say the plot can turn brains to mush. To add insult on this pile the characters are so bland, I wouldn’t even class them as assholes, more like dead meat walking. If you slapped them in red Federation shirts they would belong in the ranks. Just avoid this turd of a movie.

Killer Elite (2011)

This movie is based on a true story. So then the plot holes and random changes in character motivations are all true as well. It has to be, cause I was told so. You know I’m beginning to feel really sorry for Jason Statham as this is the third movie I’ve seen of his this year, and the third one I’ve just really hated. There is no point in Robert De Niro being in this movie, other than him getting a pay check, Statham is playing the same guy he plays all the bloody time, and Clive Owen’s character is all over the place. At one point he screams at his men not to kill Statham, and then he follows that off by setting off an explosion near him, cause we all know explosions don’t kill people. Killer Elite wants to be taken seriously, but it adds drama and characters that are just there to move the plot along, nothing seems natural. I hope Statham can find a project that elevates him in the action ranks, but he keeps on making crappy decisions. Only watch this if you are a Statham fan and happen to run across it on television.

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