Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Freak on a Leash

(This is a blog entry I already posted on an alternate blog. I've decided to consolidate all my blogs into one. So apologies if you've read it already. You may move on.)

So there I was walking away from the local food library when a little kid darted across me. My knee was nearly about to connect with his head and he would of gone flying as if I was Adon and the little fella was Dan. Thankfully I braked, managed to move my leg away and nearly topple over if it wasn’t for the handy counter near by. I turn to look at the kids parents who just happily moved about their business and never said anything to the child. I saw the boy jump onto the escalator unattended and I couldn’t help but think with joy that something from Mallrats was going to take place. Sure maybe it was an evil thought but to Para quote Brodie ‘but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child!’

Now maybe I should just stop for a minute and say I have no real problems with children. They can be adorable sometimes. But I’m sick of parents not putting a god damn fucking leash on their spawn. I’m sorry, kids will be kids but you’ve got to rein them in especially if they are running straight into people and could be seriously hurt. I’m a big fucking guy, there is a lot of weight behind my knee swing, I’ve inherited my dad’s fucking leg muscles (he was a soccer player BTW), I’m pretty fucking sure I could go for fucking distance and send a child deep into the net. (Woo a sporting reference) If not for my sake parents; how about for your child’s sake? I’m sure you want them to live long enough to have to deal with taxes, idiots, being screwed by various politicians, religious icons, bosses and of course exes.

I think I can hear the rabid frothing of people which can only mean that logic is about to be brought to this knife fight. “Dan. Take a chill pill and relax. I’m sure it was a once off thing. You’re making too big a deal about it.” You’re absolutely right, if this was a once of that is. See in the last two weeks I’ve nearly kneed three children and each time the parents just didn’t care. Not only that but a month doesn’t go by that a child somehow enters into my path nearly causing accidents. It’s also not just me but what I see when I walk about. Also I should point out that I live in Australia. A deadly animal could be around any corner ready to feast on the young blood of the children. Well maybe that’s taking it a little too far. Anyway I’ve gotten off point. Back to children punching me in the balls.

Yep last year a small child came up to me and punched me in my balls. No warning, no reason, just a random crime that I attribute to the shows kids watch now a days. Limping to one side to collect my thoughts, balls and breathe; the mum told the child to say sorry. The boy did but I didn’t really respond. Not having me turn around and say ‘why that’s okay that your child used my happy sack as a punching bag, no problem at all,’ she got really pissy at me. Sorry but who here got punched in the balls. Hands in the air now. Yeah I thought so. Hey lady, stop being pissy and start saying to your child that you’re not supposed to do that. Sure this means you have one less tool to use in tormenting your dear husband but that’s why women have their fucking mind games. They are fucking Jedi mark my words.

Okay how to sum up this pile. Look most children are great, and most parents are caring and supportive. But there does seem to be an upswing in little brats and parents who don’t care. I think it all comes down to a world that is thinking kids are entitled to freedom. Bullshit. Kids need guidance, and their eventual freedom from the nest is something fucking earned. Children make mistakes but parents need to be there to show them the error. If some parents are failing on something as simple as, don’t run into strangers, then they need to start leashing their children. Come to think of it we could also leash some of the adults. You know maybe people have to pass a walking test to be allowed of the leash. My mind is bubbling with the creative possibilities. Anyway that’s all for now. Hope you enjoyed the first installment of ‘One Man Pissing in the Wind Theatre.

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